


The Lion and his Flame

by InannaAthanasia



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Amell in Kirkwall Circle, Angry Cullen, Attempted Sexual Assault, Blood Mages, Both Bethany and Carver live, Circle Mage Bethany Hawke, Cullen Has Issues, Cullen Smut, Cullenlingus, DA Original Comic, Dark, Desire Demons (Dragon Age), Dragon Age II Spoilers, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Falling In Love, Forbidden Love, Kidnapping, Love Confessions, Mage Amell grew up the the Hawkes, Mages and Templars, NSFW, Non Warden Amell, Non-Canon Relationship, Oral Sex, Sarcasm, Sarcastic Hawke, Secret Relationship, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Flagellation, Self-Harm, Some Chapters Are Comic Pages, Templar Carver Hawke, Tranquil Mages, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-06-05 10:26:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6701173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InannaAthanasia/pseuds/InannaAthanasia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen is happy to leave Ferelden and serve in Kirkwall. After his torture by Mages, he sees them as animals, all willing to do anything for power and freedom. He is angry, bitter and a mess and finds himself spiraling into a darkness that scares even him. </p><p>When the Hawke family flees from the Blight, their cousin, Nyssa Amell, is with them. Rescued from her family by Malcolm and Leandra before she can be put in a circle, Nyssa is more of a sister to the younger Hawke's than a cousin. When Hawke comes home from the Deep Roads expedition, with the coin to make their lives better, she finds her sister Bethany and Nyssa being taken to the Gallows by the Knight-Captain, Cullen.</p><p>When Cullen is injured in battle, Nyssa cares for him and he finds he is falling in love with her. As Kirkwall falls apart, he will face a terrible choice, protect the woman he loves or destroy her when Meredith demands it. Yet even if he does protect her, can he overcome the darkness and pain inside to accept the love she offers?</p><p>Note: Darker Cullen, he is aggressive, full of self blame and anger. </p><p>******Note: Every other chapter is a comic page ******</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Violet Eyes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Eravalefantasy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eravalefantasy/gifts).



> For my friend Eravalefantasy, who has helped me grow as a writer and encouraged me to keep writing, even when I get discouraged and also understands that sometimes a walk on the dark side can be good :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skye Hawke had returned from the Deep Roads in triumph and brought back the fortune needed to raise her family to the heights of nobility once more. Yet her happiness is short lived when she finds Knight-Captain Cullen, along with other Templar's, to take her Baby sister and young cousin to the Circle.
> 
> Cullen finds his thoughts being turned by the raven hair beauty named Nyssa and does what he must to focus on his duty and not be tempted by forbidden desires.

Knight-Captain Cullen watched both women as they said their goodbye's to their family. He had mixed feelings as his eyes fell on Skye Hawke, a woman who had helped the Templar's more than once and destroyed the blood mages who were putting Demons inside their young recruits. Had it not been for her, they might not know even now about it. Hawke seemed to be a true friend to the Order, yet here she was, hiding her sister and cousin from the Circle. It infuriated him when families did such, all it took was one slip and hundreds could be killed by a possessed Mage. How could people be so blind? Part of him wanted Hawke punished, but Knight-Commander Meredith had told them to let her be as long as she did not interfere. He could tell Hawke wanted to, her eyes burned with rage, but wisely she said little except for goodbyes.

He looked once more at the two women taking. Bethany, was almost a copy of Hawke, while not the deep red of Hawke's hair, she had similar highlights in her rich brown hair and both had the same pale blue eyes. It was quite contrasted to the younger Mage, Nyssa, with her pitch black hair and darker eyes. He also didn't miss the looks from the two Templar's with him directed to the young ladies. Cullen was disgusted by such behavior. He might agree Mages needed to be caged at all times, but to use them in dark and perverse ways was disgusting. Samson, was the worse of the two and Cullen saw his eyes fixed on the black haired woman. Cullen had heard gossip about the twisted desires of Samson, yet every time he had taken such complaints to Meredith, she had dismissed his concerns. Cullen would need to keep an eye on these two for the time being, as both women seemed far too meek to fight off the immoral Templar.

Reaching the Gallows, Cullen dismissed Samson and the others as he took the mages to their waiting rooms. Many of the Mages shared rooms and he decided that putting them both into one room would likely make them calmer and lest likely to cause problems or act out. After getting them settled, he turned to leave and felt a hand tug at his arm. Angry at being touched, he turned to snap at her and inform her they were never to touch him, but upon looking at her closely, he found his words lost in his mouth. The small mouth curved into a slight smile and deep violet eyes captured his. He had never seen a woman with eyes such as hers and couldn't help the small curve at the corner of his mouth. Nyssa Amell was by far the most exotic and beautiful woman he had ever seen and as she told him thank you he realized something else, she was also someone he needed to stay far away from, lest he cross the line with what little honor he had left and enjoy every inch of the blushing girl.

Later that night, as he readied for bed, he found himself thinking about her once more. She was small compared to the others in the Hawke family, just slightly bigger than an Elf, yet her body had soft curves in all the places any man would dream of. Her skin was a dark rich golden brown and he couldn't help but wonder if she was simply bronzed from the sun or did it cover every inch of her body? But what he lingered on more than anything else was her deep violet eyes that had specks of lighter purple dancing within in them. He had never seen a woman with violet eyes before and hers looked like amethyst crystals sparkling in moonlight. Cullen shook his head, dear Maker, did he actually think that? Good grief, he sounded like some ridiculous bard trying to impress some woman he fancied. Sobering his thoughts and acknowledging that no matter how lovely she may be, she was a Mage and that made him even more disgusted with himself.

Finally lying in his bed, Cullen began his typical night ritual of relaxation techniques and hopefully sleep would follow. Since his confinement in Ferelden during the Blight, he suffered from terrible nightmares and headaches. Sleep was no longer the blissful escape it had once been; now he saw Demons, saw his friends dying and the Hero of Ferelden, who instead of purging the evil found there, allowed many of the Mages to live. The so called Hero had wanted Mages in their army against the Blight and like many Wardens, didn't care about the power they were unleashing on the world as long as it stopped the Blight. The Wardens, he thought bitterly, believed anything was okay as long as it defeated the Darkspawn. Sighing loudly he closed his eyes and began reciting the Chant. Templar's could focus and block out anything, but it only kept the Demons within his mind at bay for only so long. Mages were responsible for this, for all the evil thrown at mankind and locking them up still wasn't enough to stop them completely. Something more was needed and as sleep finally tugged him to the Fade, he wondered if a real solution would ever be found.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Nyssa laughed and ran her fingers through his short cropped curls and giggled as they wrapped around her fingers. He was enjoying her laughter until she leaned a bit more into him and one plump breast brushed his lips. Seizing an already stiff nipple, he moaned as he sucked and pulled at it, enjoying the slow rock of her hips with each tug he gave._

_Sliding his hands up and under her robe, he groaned when he found her bare and already wet for him. Moving one hand between her thighs he dipped his fingers into her slick heat. It amazed him that only a nips and light biting made her this wet, but was thankful it did, because she was ready for him._

_"Take me." she whispered against his neck. "Take me Cullen and make me yours."_

_Cullen groaned and he pushed her back some and released his cock, already rock hard and begging for her wet heat._

_"Mmhmm, such a pretty boy." she cooed in his ear. "I shall have to keep you like this, hard and ready for me always."_

_Cullen jerked back as she started riding him hard and watched as her hair became horns with Purple flames dancing on her head._

Screaming, Cullen sat up in his bed drenched in sweat. Panting he ran his hands through his hair and tried to shake off the cold clammy feel washing over him. Mages, always using wicked desires to destroy others. Plotting and aiding Demons in their unnatural plans. He would never be weak again, never allow a Mage to ruin another circle.

Standing, he went and pulled a small flayed whip and knelt before the statue of Andraste on his private alter.

"I will not fail in my sacred duty." he winced as the first blow fell over his shoulder. "I will not allow Magic to destroy others or myself."

Smack.

"I am stronger then they are, stronger than a Demon and I will not fail."

Smack.

"Through your grace and guidance I will protect the world from the evil that magic is."

Smack.

Cullen continued until his back was raw and bloody, until his hand shook with pain. Standing on now weakened legs, he bowed his head and closed his eyes.

"Andraste guide me." he whispered.

Turning to look at his armor, he slowly began to dress. The pain was excruciating and especially with the layers against his still bleeding skin, but that was part of why he did it. He had to focus and never allow the Mages to have even a second of freedom. The pain reminded him at what he had suffered at the hands on Magic and what he must never allow it to happen again, to him or anyone else. Through his suffering he would not fail, just as Andraste had suffered and triumph over the evil of magic, so would he.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Self Flagellation is the action of flogging oneself, especially as a form of religious discipline. Primarily found in the past among some extreme Christian practitioners, it can be a form of literally purging oneself of sin like thoughts or behavior and is not considered a form of self harm (i.e. cutting and so forth) from those who practice it.
> 
> While no one is right or wrong on what Cullen might have done to try to make himself stronger against his once lenient views on Mages, I feel with how religiously devoted he is that self flagellation is not a huge jump of possibilities for someone who is wishing to "purge" themselves and make them stronger in their conviction. Since I do not like to vary much from the personalities and sexual preferences of the characters as BioWare created, I also felt this could fit well within the range of possibilities and still keep cullen in character.


	2. Andraste guide me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen continues to dream and desire Nyssa, and his disgust makes him sink deeper into his need to purge his desires of the Mage.

                                               


	3. Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bethany and Nyssa try to adjust to life in the circle. Both taking an interest in helping the children in the Circle and give them the connection of family and love that they had to be taken from.
> 
> For two years they struggle, but finally they have not only passed their harrowing, but allowed the freedom to visit with the family who come to the Gallows now. 
> 
> In those two years, Nyssa has fallen for the angry Knight-Captain. Not knowing Cullen is fighting a mutual attraction, she finally confesses her true feelings and set in motion events that will change them both forever.

It wasn't as bad as they feared, but far worse than they hoped,yet Nyssa and Bethany were trying to make the best of it. While several of the Templar's were kind, Kirkwall certainly had its share of dangerous ones who were the embodiment of all the evil stories you heard about the Mage Circles. Men like Ser Karras and Ser Alrik frightened both Bethany and Nyssa and for good reason too. Yet the one that scared Nyssa more than anyone else was Ser Samson. The man seemed to always be where she was and had eyes that truly unsettled her. Karras and Alrik might think all Mages should be killed or made tranquil, but what was in Samson's eyes frightened her far more.

The one Templar Nyssa was told to fear however, she did not. Ser Cullen, Knight-Captain of Kirkwall and cold as ice when dealing with Mages, or so many of the Mages claimed. Yet, when she looked in his eyes, she saw nothing but pain and sadness. She could feel the pain twisting inside of Cullen and what he funneled outwardly toward mages was not what he felt within his heart. She could hear Malcolm in her head telling her that as an empath, what she had learned were Mages like her, she had to watch what she said at all times. Losing her temper could do damage to someone who is already hurting. No one, he had told her, should ever speak in anger; but the empath should be especially careful. Their bond can funnel too many emotions too quickly, and can inevitably hurt someone already wounded deep within their heart and soul. Her feelings told her that the Knight-Captain was simply hurting and needed someone to help him push past his anger and find his true self once more.

Today, however, both girls were excited to have been given permission to help the vendors in the Gallows. While it might not be the same as following Skye all over the Storm Coast, it was still much better than the stone rooms inside the Circle towers. They were also excited because Skye sent word she had business there today and they had been given permission to see her, the first time since coming there years ago.

Both girls put on their best robes and even indulged in the black kohl that Skye wore to outline her eyes. While Skye's hair was a darker color similar to Bethany, she had such pale eyelashes that seemed like they weren't even there unless you were looking up close. When Skye had helped the Templars and went to the Blooming Rose looking for information she saw many of the women there wearing the black dye around their eyes and quickly found some for herself. She had given one to both Bethany and Nyssa as well along with a small jar of rose colored powder to give their cheeks a slight blush. Skye also had various jars to color her eyelids and even her lips. Parting also with her favorite dark blue and turquoise and a darker red for their lips, she told them that while they may be confined to the Circle, it didn't mean they couldn't fancy themselves up whenever they wanted.

Nyssa was the first to see Skye walking in the direction where Cullen was standing and proceeded to break away from Bethany and jump into Skye's arms laughing as she spun her around like a child. Enjoying the merriment as she put her down, Nyssa quickly hugged Anders, Isabela and Carver as well. At one point, she had thought the blonde Mage Anders was so very handsome, but she realized that he was nothing compared to the beauty of the Knight-Captain. Whether Nyssa wanted to admit it or not, the fact was, she was developing a bit of a crush on the fierce looking Templar.

"Ah my lost little Cousin once more in my company!" Skye exclaimed with a laugh. "I can feel whole and happy once more." Hearing Anders snort behind her, Skye threw the blonde Mage a wink and a kiss over her shoulder much to his embarrassment. "Maker, look at the two of you." she continued, "So grown up and looking even more beautiful, if such a thing is possible."

"While I will thank you for that, dear Cousin," Nyssa put her hands on her hips,"but I was hardly a child to begin with and certainly not one now."

"That is true." Skye laughed and dragging them with her, she went to speak to Cullen.

Cullen watched the group approached and tried to steel his resolve. His dreams of Nyssa were getting worse (or was it better?) and he had to fight to not blush as they neared, especially at how tight the robes she wore fit her. Sweet Maker was she a beautiful woman. She was short compared to the others, but with full curves and those exotic violet eyes, he wanted nothing more than too kiss her red pouty lips.

"Cullen." Skye greeted him, "A pleasure to see you again and I do mean that. I want you to know that while I wish it was otherwise, I do not hold you responsible for bringing Nyssa and Bethany to the Circle. While I hope you can understand why we did not turn them in, there is far to much hate and cruelty in this world to focus on such things now."

"I am relieved to hear that Hawke, you have been a friend to the Templars and I would hate for that to change, especially now that you have restored the Amell's in Kirkwall. I saw the shields back in place when I was last at the Viscount's office, good for you." he smiled.

"Thank you and while I have indeed restored the Amell's to Hightown, I also intend for the Hawke name to be equally well known here as well."

"As long as it is well known by good deeds and not notorious because of questionable actions, I will also be happy to see such." Cullen chuckled.

"One never knows with Hawke." Isabela shot him a saucy smile and a wink that brought a slight blush to Cullen's cheeks.

"Isabela, behave now," Hawke chuckled, "I am sorry Cullen, Isabela can certainly put me in a bad position some days."

"Why Hawke, you told me to go home the night I tried...."

"Can we try to focus people?" Anders cut in. "There was a purpose on coming here, so let us get it done and be gone from this terrible place as fast as possible."

"Anders!" Carver growled. "Remember my sister and cousin have to be here, so show some damn respect."

"Boys! Please." Hawke shook her head; Carver and Anders were constantly at throats now that she was involved with Anders. As he spent more and more of his nights in her home, Carver was picking more fights, not just with her Mage lover, but with her and Mother as well. "Yes, right, there is a point. Cullen, I am looking for Emeric, have you seen him?"

"I believe he has already left to meet you in Lowtown. I'm afraid you are to late."

"I never sent a message for him to meet me. Do you know by chance where this was?"

"I believe he spoke to Ser Moira, who Mistress Bethany knows her and can take you to her." Cullen didn't like the sound of what was going on, falsified meetings and Hawke's involvement worried him. Emeric was a kind man who had helped Cullen learn all he needed about the Gallows and Kirkwall too when he first arrived.

Cullen watched as Bethany led all of them away and it seemed all followed except for Nyssa. Cullen hated anytime he was caught alone with her. Trying to focus and maintain an uninterested appearance was getting harder to do, especially when she stood so close to him. He could smell a soft scent of lavender and roses on her, as her scent invaded his senses. Focusing on her face was even more difficult as she was currently tugging her bottom lip into her mouth. Makers breath! How he desperately wanted to nibble on them himself!

"Do you mind if I speak with you Cullen? I mean Ser Cullen." she quickly corrected herself.

"I am not aware of anything that should warrant us speaking." Maker, he prayed, please have her leave soon!

"Of course there is." She smiled and blushed slightly.

"Which is?"

"You not sneering every time you see me and me getting to know you." she gave a small chuckle that made Cullen want to moan in delight.

"I am the Knight-Captain, I do not need to know any of the Mages here, in fact I prefer not to."

"Well perhaps I just need to change your mind then, after all isn't that what we wicked Mages do to you innocent and sweet Templars?" She winked at him and Cullen laughed.

"It would seem you are quite stubborn." Cullen smiled and realized he was being charmed by her. Nyssa Amell was not just beautiful, she was also witty and could be kind as well. He knew she devoted most of her time working with Bethany and the youngest children in the circle or in the infirmary aiding with her remarkably strong healing magic. In fact he had been asked from the Elder Mage who ran it for Nyssa to be allowed there more often as she was one of the most gifted healers he had seen. Cullen had signed off on it right away and granted his request. His practical mind told him that with the growing threat of the Qunari, should the Templar's be needed for anything the guard might not be able to handle, it would be bloody and every skilled healer would be needed. That had been what he had told himself, however when he went to inform her of her knew duties, she quickly hugged him and gave him a small kiss on his cheek and then squealed in joy. In fact that had really been the moment he realized he had developed feelings for her after all these years of seeing her and speaking with her as well.

After that, Cullen had stayed away from her as much as possible. There was no scenario in which he could pursue her and it be right. What more was the fact that should he take the path of some Templars with their _enjoyment_ involving their charges, he would not only break his own code of ethics, but it would be a huge dishonor to her as well. No, there was no chance for anything more between them and pretending otherwise would only cause them both pain.

"Please understand, you seem like a very sweet and kind young lady, but I do not wish to befriend anyone, including you. The subject is now closed and I believe you should visit with your relatives prior to them leaving." She gave him a look full of sadness that made him cringe inside. He would be causing her pain no matter what he did, he realized. Of course this pain would be far kinder to her that what she would suffer should they become _closer_.

"As you say Knight-Captain." She gave him a small smile, yet he did not miss the mist gathering in her eyes.

"Nyssa, wait." he said gently. "I do not wish to hurt you. I keep my distance not because I do not wish to know you, but because I am Knight-Captain and should anyone view something they feel is wrong or I daresay immoral, well the Mage involved would get the worse punishment. Seeing such a happy and beautiful maid as yourself hurt because of my lack of judgement would, well lets just say I would suffer knowing it was at my hands such a thing happened." Why am I telling her this, he thought. If she left crying over his cruelty and harsh words, she would likely stay away from him and that was what he wanted.

"So you think I am beautiful?" She smiled,

Cullen laughed deeply, "Out of everything I said, that was what you listen too? Ignore the warning and the harsh punishment, but focus on the compliment instead."

"Well when the most handsome of all men tells a young woman she is beautiful, how could she think of anything said after that?" she blushed as she locked her gaze with his.

Cullen swallowed the lump in his throat. Maker forgive him, but every part of his being roared to life the moment she called his handsome. He was assaulted with images from his dreams, images of her body sliding against his, the feelings of peace as he drank from her lips and the desire he so desperately wanted to share with her.

"Nyssa", he gentled his voice. "As much as I think that and as much as I am honored to know you do not think me uglier than a Qunari." He chuckled."We really shouldn't. Friendship can sometimes tempt Templar's or Mages to other things and in this Circle, the Mage will always be made tranquil. I would not want to see someone like you go through that just because you wished to be friends with a Templar."

She saw the softness in his eyes and felt her heart speed up. She understood what he was saying, but it couldn't stop the feelings coursing through her. "What happens to the Templar?"

Cullen cleared his throat and averting his eyes he told her. "They are stripped of their rank and either kicked out of the Order or, depending on the rank and how bad the offense was, imprisoned for life."

Cullen looked at her once more and saw her wide eyes. As much as he hated it, she needed to understand why they cannot be friends or anything else.

"I, I understand Cullen. I would never risk anything bad happening to you and I see why you would be worried about female friendships with mages. You have risen high and to lose it all due to me, well it would be terrible." She nodded and left to catch up with Skye and find out how things were going with her search.

Cullen watched her leave and felt turmoil within his heart. She had not cared on her own fate, only what would happen to him. He had been right in his assessment of her. Nyssa was a kind woman who worried about others and their fate, but yet selflessly overlooked any punishment that she may suffer. She was not the evil Mage he tried so hard to stand strong against. She wasn't like the Mages in Ferelden's tower as well.

He also realized she was one of the few people he had ever met that was as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside. Although he had once thought the same about Neria Surana too. The so called Hero of Ferelden who turned out to be a ruthless cold-hearted woman and endangered everyone by trying to save as many Mages possible and making deals with demons when the tower had fallen during the Blight. In fact, as he watched Nyssa reach her family and her smile once more, Cullen somehow doubted she would ever be like Neria.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been several days since Cullen saw Hawke and he found his thoughts consumed with Nyssa. There was obviously an attraction growing between them and it worried him and seemed nothing could rid him of the sin growing within him. For weeks he tried to purge the longing from his body, tried to focus on the Chant and cleanse his troubled heart, yet like everything else in his life, it failed. His dreams were wicked and decadent. Dreams of her beautiful face caught within his hands as he drunk from her lips. Dreams of her bare flesh sliding against his own haunted him and some mornings he would wake with his sheets soiled from his unholy desires, disgusted by his own weakness. The worst was yet to come.

It started out simple enough. She sat on the ledge by where he stood at his post in the Gallows reading from a book. Soon they were talking and she read him verses from the book, a book of poetry, poetry for lovers that is. She scooted closer and once he turned his head to hold her gaze, she recited one to him, never leaving his eyes once to  glance at the book she now cradled in her lap.

_A strength so strong, guard is he,_

_The Maker sends a love for me._

_For only he, can I love,_

_My lovely Knight, sent from above._

_My Heart does give, to only thee,_

_Devoted I, forever be._

 

"I have not heard that one before." he answered quietly to her.

"Of course not," she blushed, "I wrote it just now, for you."

"Oh." He wasn't sure what else to say. The poem was very straight forward, or at least enough for him to understand it was about her feelings toward him. He shifted nervously, what did he say? That his heart was desperate for her?  That he spilled himself nightly with dreams of her in his arms? That for the first time in years he did not dream of what happened during the Blight, dreaming of her was stronger than any Demons voice?

"It's all right Cullen, I don't expect anything from you." She turned her head away for a moment before looking back once more. "I wanted you to know that you are the only man I ever met worthy of caring for."

He couldn't speak as she walked away from him, to the steps to sit and read while watching the water. Yet he felt something should be said as he watched her back curve and her head bent back to the book once more. What, he did not know, but surely there was something. Without thinking he walked towards her and it was then that he heard Samson speaking with his friends as they all looked at Nyssa. Anger surged within him at their words and then he heard Samson speaking even fouler words than the others. Drawing his sword he walked to him, anger burning deep within his amber eyes.


	4. Defender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Cullen hears Samson, he reacts openly declaring his protection for Nyssa.

                                         


	5. When Set in Motion...

Bethany was yelling at her again and again and again. Don't wear that outfit it shows to much skin, don't wear your hair like that, it makes you to pretty and don't talk to the Knight-Captain ever, he hates Mages. Nyssa tried to be patient, but she loved her summer robes and she liked her hair pulled up and curls running down her back and she couldn't help herself when it came to Knight-Captain Cullen.

Things had changed - _shifted-_ between them since the day he stood between her and Samson, defending her while warning him. She noticed after that day his eyes would soften only slightly when he saw her and sometimes a faint smile graced his lips. She also noticed that while he didn't always respond, his look as well as a occasional laugh, told her he didn't mind when she sat on the ledge by him and read so softly only he could hear her. Within her heart, that alone was a intimate moment for them both and it was also enough to satisfy her heart, for now.

One day she was reading to him a story about a dashing hero who started out a less then noble farm boy, but rose up to become a gallant Knight and rescued a Princess, who he married and in the end became King. Cullen snorted at the idea. Farm boys certainly did not marry get to marry a Princess and if so, he still would never be made King of any nation.

"Where did you grow up Cullen?"

"What?" He wasn't prepared for any questions she might ask about him personally. In fact it never entered his mind she, or really anyone, would even want to know such.

"Well you know I was born  in the Free Marches to a Noble family and when they found out I had magic, they sent me out of the Free Marches. It's kind of funny, if you think about it, I should of met you in Ferelden, but instead it's here." She  giggled and winked at him.

Cullen gave her a lazy smile and tilted his head at her. She was always surprising him. One moment she was passionate about something, the next giggling like a child and then charming him with her unique wit. As much as he may deny it, he knew the awful truth, Nyssa Amell was working her way into his heart.

"I am from a tiny southern Ferelden town that is not known for anything really. It is as small town as possible in Ferelden in fact and grew up on a tiny farm with a brother and two sisters, one of which was rather bossy, truth be told." He chuckled.

"You are more like Ser Derek in my book, farm boy to gallant Knight." She sighed dreamily.

"Perhaps, but I doubt there is a Princess in my future." He grinned and winked."Maybe if I am lucky a relative to a Noble, seeing as I am a Knight-Captain now, but doubtful even there."

"Is that what you want Cullen? A Noble's daughter?" She blushed and looked away for a moment, before turning back and capturing his attention with the violet eyes he loved so much.

Cullen swallowed and blushed, Maker's breath he could feel the tips of his ears burn with embarrassment. She had been a Noble's daughter as well.

"If she w-were as k-kind and b-beautiful as you, then perhaps." Maker! He hated when he stuttered.

"If I were a Noble's daughter, I would wish for someone just like you to be my husband." Her eyes went round and her mouth made a small "O", before she turned and quickly left.

Cullen wasn't sure what to think, when he heard a deep laugh behind him he knew all too well.

"Ser Jacyn." Cullen called out and turning, he smiled at his friend.

"She is quite a lovely little minx, you certainly picked well for your first dally with a Mage."

"I am not dallying with a Mage." He scoffed.

"Sure, you just somehow found the prettiest little Mage possible in this whole circle and just enjoy speaking to her, which I am sure you do, but red cheeks don't happen from casual chats about the living conditions in the circle Cullen."

Cullen blushed even more. That was certainly true and he knew it.

"What I am trying to figure out is how can a man have such a tempting little thing, obviously wanting you and not do anything about it? Whether the Order allows it or not, nothing is wrong with enjoying some passing moments with a willing girl, especially one that looks like that." He looked Cullen in the eyes before continuing. "Cullen, we are all human, it is natural for people to want to have a  few passionate moments in life. I know you feel it is breaking an oath made to the Maker and the Order, but it is not. You are not like Samson and his goons who rape and abuse our charges, I know that. You are however a young man and I am sure a healthy one at that with _needs_. If she is willing and so are you, go for it, enjoy it and then part your ways and even remain friends. I have had many _special_ moments in my life within the Order and some have been with women I was and still am friends with."

Cullen thought about his words. He hated to think of Nyssa like that, but he also knew no matter how much he try, he could not banish her from his thoughts. Would the Maker forgive him for such if she were wanting the same as him? Jacyn was the closest friend he ever had ever made since joining the Templar's all those years ago. He knew the man had a few lovers within the circle and never had it seemed any of the Mages were not willing to enjoy his attention.

"I will think on what you said, my friend, but I do not think young Nyssa would welcome such a offer from me and I certainly would not taint such a sweet young lady."

"Cullen, listen to me. Anyone with eyes in their head and some knowledge of such things, can see that girl would be more than happy to spend some alone time with you." He chuckled from the shock  Cullen now wore on his face. "Enjoy it and have a few weeks of some wonderful moments to carry on with you and continue to be her friend. Besides if the Marker did not want men and women to enjoy such things, perhaps he should of made us not able to enjoy such things." He winked and clapping Cullen on the back, walked back to his post.

Unknown to Cullen, Nyssa was having a similar conversation with Bethany, however unlike Ser Jacyn, Bethany was warning her cousin to stay away from the Knight-Captain. Bethany had seen and unfortunately heard, all the bad about Cullen and was now reminding her of it once more. Sure he could be grumpy and possibly be on the verge of yelling, but whenever she looked into his warm amber eyes, she saw a man in pain. She tried to explain it to Bethany, tried to explain that he acted like the cat she had back in Ferelden that had been beaten by a local boy. It lashed out at everyone, but with a kind hand and a gentle voice, it soon trusted her enough to let her feed and pet it. Bethany had rolled her eyes at that and told Nyssa she was a fool and unless she wised up fast, she would end up with a brand via the Knight-Captain himself.

Nyssa of course thanked Bethany and told her she would keep it in mind. Once Bethany was done, she thought about the pull she had to Cullen the first time she saw him. Malcolm, who was more a Father to her than her own, had told her that some mages were sensitive and were considered empaths. Being such herself, it was how she was always able to avoid Carver before his temper showed, know how to comfort Bethany before the tears fell over the weight of being a Mage or even hug Skye when the pressure of being the eldest was too much. This was who she was and she could not ignore what she knew in the depths of her heart, Cullen was hurting and only she could help him feel whole once more.

The next day she went to find Cullen and instead found Ser Jacyn standing where he always was. Hoping nothing had happen to Cullen, she went to speak to speak to him. Besides Cullen, Nyssa found the warm and friendly Ser Jacyn to be funny and warm hearted man.

"Good day, Ser Jacyn." She smiled and stopping before him, asked where Cullen was. She hoped the worry she had in her stomach did not show on her face or her voice. "I am surprised to see you here this morning. Did you lose a bet against Cullen for his post?" She chuckled, knowing both men played cards with each other in their off hours.

"Wouldn't that be nice, for me that is, I could brag on the beautiful company I get to enjoy, knowing I am denying Cullen." He laughed.

"You are a very wicked man, ser Jacyn." She giggled and pointed at him like a Mother scolding a child.

Enjoying the conversation, she learned Cullen had left with a group of Templar's to meet up with a few Templar's from Starkhaven transferring a few of their charges to Kirkwall.  She also learned he would be gone for a few days to a week and chuckled at the pout she was unable to completely hide.

"No pouting you wicked thing, I imagine Cullen is as disappointed as you that he will lose your company for several days. Not that I could blame him, what man would want to be parted from the sight of such beauty." He winked and grinned at the slight blush creeping across her cheeks.

"You are very wicked, but lucky for you it is charming."

"What a handful you are, I do not know if I should feel bad Cullen for the man or not to have such a close _friend_ in you." Feeling her ears burn at his obvious innuendo, she excused herself and left to find Bethany.

Jacyn watched the sway of her hips as she trotted off and envied Cullen. Sooner or later they would consummate the open desire they have for each other and when they did, Cullen was going to be a very lucky man.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cullen had been injured before, had fought bitter battles with blood mages and even demons, but nothing compared to the rogue Qunari that ambushed their small party. They used spears made of metal sharp enough to cut through metal and dipped in a poison that burned like dragon fire. Several in their party died, yet in the end they had cut the heathens down. He had passed out somewhere between the coastline and Kirkwall and woke up in their healers rooms in the Gallows. Trying to lift himself up, he grunted in pain and heard a familiar voice telling him to lay down. Looking to the side and squinting, he found a woman sitting next to him. He wasn't sure who it was until she leaned down and placed a cool cloth against his head. Violet eyes with specks of lighter purple that looked almost pink. Nyssa Amell. He wanted to speak, but his sight dimmed and as he fell back into darkness as he heard her telling him it would be OK and she wouldn't leave him. He didn't want to admit he was happy to know such.

Days went by and Nyssa tended Cullen. She used spells to heal him, kept cool rags on his forehead as the fever from the poison burned through his body and most of all, she prayed hoping the Marker would hear her. After a week of worrying if he would be alright or not, he finally was on the road to recovery.

He slept peacefully now and when she had rolled him over to wash down his back, she had gasped at the sight before her. Covered in scars that looked as if he had whipped him for some time, she wondered who had done such to him? Cullen was young and strong and she could not imagine who could of held him down so long as to do such extreme damage to his body.

Days passed and as Bethany, Leandra  and even Skye visited her, she refuse to leave his side. Well with the exception of when absolutely necessary, which led them to think she was completely crazy. Thankfully, they finally gave up and stopped pestering her.

Weeks had past, so many in fact she had lost count, before Cullen opened his eyes and whispered her name. She quickly leaned over him and told him to take it easy and not move. Grabbing a small glass of water next to her, she helped him up enough to let him sip the cool water.

Laying back down he looked at the vision leaning over him. Maker, the woman was pure beauty and he ached to kiss her just once.

"What time is it?" He whispered, his voice still scratchy from lack of use.

"Late, everyone has left for their beds, You'll have to deal with just me for now." She smiled and brushed his curls from his still damp forehead.

What happen next, Nyssa was hard press to not think she had fallen asleep and was dreaming everything her heart had ached for. She wouldn't of thought Cullen was strong enough for what he did, but she wasn't about to argue about something she desperately wanted.

Somehow he had pulled her down to his lips and rolled pulling her under him. While still weak, he was strong enough to hold her as he took her mouth with his lips. He knew she would taste like heaven, but he had no idea how sweet her lips truly tasted or how right her soft, small body would feel underneath him. His hand slid down her shoulder as he trailed his fingers lightly over her already harden nipple, letting a small chuckle slip past his lips and he looked into her violet eyes. Holding her gaze, his hand traced her hip and rubbed small circles as he bent his lips to hers once more.

"I am sorry-." He started to say as he realized exactly what he was doing. Once, what seemed like a lifetime ago, he had thought he had loved a Mage and her him, but Neria Surana had been a clever and very deceitful woman who had used her faked innocence to manipulate him. When she had returned to the tower and freed him from the torture the mages and demons had done to him, she had tried to use cunning ways to justify the deals she had made with Demons and worse.  Even her companion, Alistair, had begun to see like him, that she was anything but innocent and used her body and looks to get what she wanted.

"It's alright Cullen." Nyssa's voice had pulled him from his dark thoughts and hatred of the so called Hero of Ferelden. "I feel for you too, I want this as well and for this moment, do not focus on anything, but us."

Maker's breath she was beautiful, he thought once more and smiling, he dipped his head to drink from her lips and finally feed his soul the one thing it had always desired, yet until her he had never known what it was. Kissing her and holding her, that unknown need was answered and while it seemed simple to many, for him, it took her to let him feel love.


	6. Denied No More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen wakes and finally acts on all the passion he has kept hidden from Nyssa.

                                           


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